You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
