ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
