woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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