I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
it glows. i had to have it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
