someone owes me an orgasm
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
