i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
