i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
