I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
