Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
