I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
