he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
