Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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