Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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