i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
