question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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