Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
