Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
