just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
