This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
