dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
All I want is dick and wine.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
