Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
