Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
