im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
