I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
