How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
