I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
not ubering you a puppy
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
