I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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