i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
