You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
All I want is dick and wine.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
