turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
