porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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