I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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