In the future we'll all be gay
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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