just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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