Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Who put my cat in the fridge?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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