I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
