I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
