ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
