where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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