Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
