then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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