Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
