he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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