i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
