I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
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My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I forget how to act sober
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