What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
