Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
