I am spending my child support on dildos
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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