There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
