I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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