He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
